PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG FRITH

LESS THAN SIX MONTHS OLD AND ALREADY THE PROUD OWNER OF A PACK OF CRAYONS. PURPLE IS HER FAVOURITE.

YES, THAT IS PURPLE CRAYON ALL OVER HER FACE. YES, SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WOULD TASTE LIKE GRAPE. NO, I AM NOT TRYING TO STRANGLE HER.

DR FRITHA, I PRESUME?

A BEAST SEEMS TO BE STALKING GRANDMA PAT AND THE FRITH THROUGH THE JUNGLES OF WESTERN BURLINGTON..

THE PIRHANNAS SWARM AT FRITH'S DELICIOUS TOES, WHICH MAMA KNOWS TASTE JUST EXACTLY LIKE JELLY BEANS..

ACTUALLY, GRANDMA PAT AND GRANDPA KEN TOOK US ALL TO THE MANDARIN FOR MAMA'S DELICIOUS EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.. FRITH FELL IN LOVE WITH THE CARP POND - IN THIS LAST SHOT SHE IS BACK AT THE TABLE, TELLING US ALL ABOUT IT.

(NOT SO) STILL LIFE WITH WATERMELON

FRITH AND GRANDMA PAT HORSING AROUND AT OMI'S HOUSE. (AND YES, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, THE FRITH IS INDEED DRESSED LIKE A GIANT WATERMELON. I LOVE THIS OUTFIT.)

MÉMÉ AND PÉPÉ - RETURN OF THE GODFATHER

THE FRITH'S GODPARENTS COME TO VISIT FOR THE AFTERNOON - TERRY AND FRITH TAKE A MOMENT TO CONTEMPLATE THE SOURCE OF AN IDIOSYNCRATIC CONSCIOUSNESS.

THEN, FRITH DEMONSTRATES SOME BASIC THEORIES OF PHYSICS FOR NANCY, USING A CHAIN OF MULTI-COLOURED RINGS AND A MYSTERIOUS HAND-SHAPED ARTIFACT OF SOME SORT.

ABCs

THE FRITH SHOWS HER GRANDFATHER HOW TO GET TO THE HEART OF A REALLY GOOD BOOK. THE FRITH IS A VERY GOOD TEACHER, AND GRANDPA KEN LEARNS QUICKLY. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE HE STILL PREFERS TIMBITS.

MUSHMOUTH

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY SEEING HOW WE GET FOOD INTO THE FRITH. OR RATHER, ONTO THE FRITH.

MORNING HAS BROKEN

THIS IS WHERE FRITH SPENDS THE FIRST HOUR OF EVERY DAY. SHE IS LIBERATED FROM HER CRIB AT 6AM, AND SPENDS THE NEXT HOUR OR SO HANGING OUT ON THE BED. THE WINDOWS ARE OPEN WIDE, AND MAMA SOMETIMES SINGS "MORNING HAS BROKEN" FOR HER. OFTEN MAMA HAS TROUBLE KEEPING HER EYES OPEN, BUT FRITH DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND SO MUCH.

FRITH SOUP

FRITH PREPARES FOR THE PIVOTAL "MIRROR SCENE".

BEARS AND BULLS AND FRITHS

NO MAMA, I CLEARLY SAID BUY LOW SELL HIGH. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY THIS TIME.. LOOK, RIGHT HERE. YOU CAN SEE THE MARKET IS OBVIOUSLY ABOUT TO TAKE A TURN FOR THE.. OH LOOK, LITTLE BLUE FISHIES.

TEA WITH OMI

OMI AND THE FRITH SHARE A CUP OF TEA AND DISCUSS THE DAY'S EVENTS. PLEASE DON'T ASK WHY THAT MUG HASN'T GOT A HANDLE. IT IS A VERY LONG STORY.

HERACLITUS

FRITH AND MAMA STARE DOWN AT THE RIVER AND CONTEMPLATE THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF THE ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHER HERACLITUS, WRITTEN OVER TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO: "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man".

HEH. I SAID HERACLITUS.

FRITHHENGE

A STORMY DAY, AND THE MEGALITHIC RUINS OF THE 'HENGE LOOM OVER US AS THE CLOUDS GATHER.

A CLOSE-UP...

ACTUALLY, IT WAS JUST MAMA AND FRITHA ON THE JUNGLE GYM.

AN ACTION SHOT, AS WE SHOOT DOWN THE SLIDE WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE...

GAG ORDER

THE FRITH GNAWS ON HER FAVOURITE CHEW TOY. SHE SEEMS TO PREFER THE "FAST" HAND TO THE "HOLD" HAND.. AND SHE MAY BE THE ONLY CHILD IN DUNDAS WHO LEARNS TO READ BY GNAWING ON HER PAPA'S TATTOOS.

*HIC* II

HERE FRITH LOOKS EITHER VERY CYNICAL OR VERY DRUNK. EITHER WAY. YOU MAY NOTICE MAMA LOOKS RELATIVELY HAPPY AND WELL-RESTED. THIS IS BECAUSE FRITH HAS FINALLY BEGUN TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.. IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.

GAZEBO CARNAGE

THE FRITH HELPS OUT IN THE BACKYARD. WE ARE CONSTRUCTING A MOSQUITO-FREE-ZONE ON THE DECK. SO FAR WE'VE BOUGHT AND RETURNED THREE GAZEBOS. TODAY WE'LL TRY INSTALLING A FOURTH. CARNAGE IS SURE TO FOLLOW. FULL STORY AT ELEVEN.

SON OF A BUNNY

A BUNNY SITS AT THE MASTER CONTROLS OF THE WORLD. DIDN'T KNOW THAT, DID YOU? (YES, THE BUNNY SUIT IS GETTING A LOT OF PLAY LATELY. BUT IT WILL ONLY FIT HER FOR ANOTHER WEEK OR SO. AND IT IS SO DAMNED CUTE).

TIMING

THE FRITH WAS CRYING. PAPA DECIDED TO IMITATE HER FOR THE CAMERA. THE FRITH STOPPED CRYING IN TIME FOR THE FLASH. PAPA DIDN'T GET THE MEMO.

THERE'S SOMETHING STUCK TO YOUR NECK

FRITH SCANS THE HORIZON FOR VISIGOTHS.

SCARFACE II

THE FRITH DOES A FLAWLESS PACINO IMPRESSION. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the ..." YOU GET THE POINT.

BUNNY SUIT REDUX

AT LAST! A BUNNY SUIT WHICH DOES NOT MAKE THE FRITH CRY! YES, THAT IS PAPA PLAYING MUMMENSCHANZ BEHIND HER.

IN RELATED NEWS, SOMEBODY ATE MASHED CARROTS LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME. AND IT WASN'T MAMA.

SEPARATE

THIS WEEK FRITH HAS BECOME A REAL PERSON, SO CLEARLY SEPARATE FROM ME. SHE LOOKS AT ME WITH THOSE WISE OLD EYES AND I SEE STRENGTH, PERSONALITY, OPINION, THOUGHT, JUDGEMENT. I'M THINKING... JESUS, I HOPE SHE LIKES ME.

PLOTTING WORLD CONQUEST

THE FRITH SITS AT THE MASTER CONTROLS, HATCHING HER PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION. REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?

LIAM

THE FRITH MEETS THE LIAM (YOUNG SON OF REBEL'S ROCK PROPRIETOR KATE). LIAM APPROPRIATES FRITH'S CHAIR, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO SCREAM IN HER FACE. IT IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE LOUDEST SOUND SHE HAS EVER HEARD. TO HER CREDIT, OUR GIRL DID NOT CRY. SHE GAVE AS GOOD AS SHE GOT, SCREAMING BACK SO LOUDLY THE WINDOWS RATTLED.

MOTHERZZZZ DAY

ALL THE MAMAS GO TO REBEL'S ROCK FOR A TRADITIONAL IRISH MOTHER'S DAY BREAKFAST OF DEEP-FRIED POTATO BREAD AND CHEESE AND CORNED BEEF. FRITH SLEEPS THROUGH MOST OF IT (AFTER GRANDMA PAT WORKS HER USUAL MAGIC... THOUGH PERHAPS THE SMOKY BLUES ON THE SPECTACULAR REBEL'S ROCK WURLITZER JUKEBOX HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT TOO.)

EATING A SWEATER

THE FRITH CLEARLY DOESN'T GET ENOUGH FIBRE IN HER DIET.

HOWEVER, SHE IS NOW EATING MASHED BANANA AND STEAMED APPLE. LAST WEEK MAMA TRIED HER WITH SWEET POTATO. SHE WON'T BE TRYING THAT AGAIN FOR SOME TIME.

HIGH CHAIR

THE DAY BEFORE MOTHER'S DAY, AND WE ALL HEAD TO THE TEASHOP IN TOWN FOR TEA AND SANDWICHES. FRITH SITS IN A HIGH CHAIR FOR THE FIRST TIME - SHE HAS TO BE TIED TO IT WITH AN APRON, BUT SIT SHE DOES. PROUDLY.

PAPA'S SHOULDERS

TAKING A RIDE ON PAPA'S SHOULDERS. THE FRITH IS LIKE A CAT, SHE LIKES THE VIEW FROM ABOVE. (THIS ISN'T SURPRISING, CONSIDERING SHE THINKS FATNESS AND THE NEW ARE HER SLIGHTLY FUZZIER BIG BROTHERS)

THE FRITH AND THE POP-POP

TAKING A WALK THROUGH LOVELY DOWNTOWN DUNDAS WITH POP-POP. TODAY WE LEARNED THAT THE FRITH LOVES TO WATCH TRAFFIC GO BY MORE THAN ALMOST ANYTHING.

AH LOVES ME SOME FRITHA

SOMETIMES MAMA JUST WANTS TO SWALLOW HER HEAD. THAT ISN'T WRONG IS IT?

*HIC*

FRITH IS NOW ONE OF THE LADIES WHO LUNCH, IN HER WHITE LINEN GARDEN-PARTY DRESS FROM THE DIVINE MISS LJ. SHE LOOKS AS THOUGH THE LAST BATCH OF FORMULA MAY HAVE FERMENTED A LITTLE IN THE SPRING SUNSHINE.

RED SOCKS AND MINT GREEN LONG-JOHNS

THANKS TO TERI (MY DEAR FRIEND PEGGY'S MAMA) THE FRITH IS THE PROUD NEW OWNER OF A PAIR OF EXTREMELY FUNKY HAND-KNITTED RED WOOLEN SOCKS. AND THANKS TO MY DEAR FRIEND BECKY'S MAMA SUSAN, THE FRITH IS ALSO THE PROUD NEW OWNER OF THE SWEETEST LITTLE SET OF MINT GREEN LONGJOHNS YOU EVER SAW. I'M GOING TO TAKE A GUESS THAT SUSAN PROBABLY WOULDN'T APPROVE OF THIS PARTICULAR COMBINATION - HOWEVER, THE FRITH HAS INHERITED HER MAMA'S QUESTIONABLE FASHION SENSE.

PARTY AT OMI'S HOUSE

THERE'S A PARTY AT OMI'S HOUSE, PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE, EATING, DRINKING, TALKING, LAUGHING. NOW LOOK WHERE OMI IS... HANGING OUT WITH THE FRITH, AS IF WE COULDN'T GUESS.